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Dr. Michael Hill Replies to Mark Strauss Anti South Attack (First Read) the article by Mark Strauss for Slate.com. LET’S DITCH DIXIE: THE CASE FOR NORTHERN SECESSION Dr. Hill's
reply is below & he may be contacted by the press at BY: DR. MICHAEL HILL, PRESIDENT, THE LEAGUE OF THE SOUTH
Mr. Strauss, what do you Yankees have that we Southerners really need? For starters, you have no musical or literary traditions. All the genuine musical genres native to these shores have their roots in the South—bluegrass, country (the real stuff), rockabilly, jazz, soul, R&B, blues, and rock and roll (y’all can have rap and heavy metal). Moreover, your northern literature is only a bad imitation of the worst that Europe has produced, while ours is truly world class (e.g. Faulkner, Percy, Poe, Welty, Twain, etc.) Southerners were in the majority among the Founding Fathers (whom you have demonized by your own brand of Stalinism know as "political correctness"). Among those out-of-fashion Dead, White, European Males (DWEMs) are Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Henry, and Mason, among many others. Where would America have been had these Southern gentlemen decided to remain loyal to the British Empire, Mr. Strauss? The north (I will not capitalize the word because it is merely a direction and not a real place), Mr. Strauss, has always tried to claim as "American" all the good things that Southerners have created or accomplished. But what should we expect from a people who have no culture of their own? Heck, you people at the north don’t even know how to cook, and you’re so uptight that you don’t know how to relax and enjoy the blessings God bestows. Ever heard of "northern cooking" or "northern hospitality?" Is laissez bon temps roulet a Yankee expression? We Southerners have a sense of place that is part of our inherited tradition. We even write songs about our places, Mr. Strauss. Ever heard Lynyrd Skynyrd sing about "Sweet Home Alabama," or Ray Charles’ soulful rendition of "Georgia On My Mind?" Sure you have. But why are there no heartfelt songs about Massachusetts or Minnesota? Hmmm, Mr. Strauss? If you haven’t noticed, Mr. Strauss, our Southern women are world-famous for their beauty and charm, and feminism, thank the Lord, has not taken root here. Yes, we do have a few hairy-legged Amazons, but they are usually confined to the faculty lounges of our major universities (yet another of your Yankee strongholds that we’ll have to root out). And the men down here, sir, still hold fast to the manly virtues. Even our sports (football and NASCAR) demand toughness and steely nerves, and carry with them the risk of serious bodily injury and death. But, no guts, no glory, Mr. Strauss. Those Southern men who cannot measure up to the gridiron or the racetrack still enjoyed the thrill of shooting guns. Why, I remember in the days of my own misspent youth (playing in a Southern rock band in the late 1960s) a girl of northern persuasions telling me that she liked Southern males because they were "still real men," unlike the emasculated flower children of the north and west coast. Mr. Strauss, tell us the truth. I think one reason you’d like to see us go is because our men scare the panties off you and our vivacious women evoke within you feelings of great inadequacy.I will agree with you, Mr. Strauss, on your main point, and that is your contention that "North and South can no longer claim to be one nation." I hope you’re not just joshing us here. But the trouble is that we’ve known this for about 140 years now and you’re just coming around to seeing the light. So who’s the "dumber" here, my man? And as for that "gangrenous limb that should have been lopped off decades ago," don’t forget that as a result of your departure you’ll lose access to all of our oil, natural gas, and coal (and your winters are long and cold), our fertile and extensive farmlands, and all those wonderful vacation spots that attract the ill-mannered "black socks and sandals" crowd from Ohio that descends on us every year (Whew! Those accents). You must also ask yourself, Mr. Strauss, who’ll fight your wars for you when we’re gone? We Southrons have served the Yankee military in numbers far out of proportion to our population. Perhaps your Yankee Empire won’t be so trigger-happy if you Ivy League brats—the best and brightest (just ask them)—actually have to brave the prospects of blood and death on the battlefield. Yes, Mr. Strauss, we have our problems here in Dixie. But our material poverty since Appomattox pales beside the poverty of the soul that prevails in your cold and haughty clime. Be honest now, sir, and admit we’ve never really bothered you people up north. All we’ve ever wanted from you and yours was to be left alone. But you people could not oblige us because God has fitted you by nature to be busybodies. And on top of that, you’re envious busybodies. Having no real cultural inheritance of your own, you have sought to destroy what we have out of sheer spite. You are not the sort to make good neighbors. You have all but destroyed your own region by advancing a liberal "culture of death," and Mr. Strauss, you can hardly deny that forty million aborted babies is a lot of death. Surely our Southern Solons did not countenance this enormity. So you go ahead and have your "liberal majority" up there, but don’t call us when your part of the house now divided falls in on you. We’ll be down here with our majority of traditionalists restoring a true civilization. God willing, after our divorce we Southerners will be busy enjoying the sweet fruits of a free and prosperous republic founded on private property, free association, fair trade, sound money, low taxes, limited regulation of business, equal justice before the law, secure border, gun rights, protection of the unborn, and an absence of entangling foreign alliances. In other words, Mr. Strauss, we’ll have a civilization and you will not.
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As
President of The League of the South, an organization that, according to Mark
Strauss, "fondly remembers the Confederacy as a golden age," I give a
hearty second to his motion for Yankee secession. After all, we were in Virginia
(1607) before you were in Massachusetts (1620), so you Yanks should be the ones
who have to leave.
